An alternative football universe, where Felt's 'Textile Ranch' is the theme music to the TV highlights programme.
A selection of the author's favourite actual, modified and invented football clubs compete in league and cup competitions free from advertising hype, cheating and corruption.
Audenshaw Dynamo 0 Spartak-Slavia 2 Blyth Spartans 0 Marine 2 Dynamo Burnley 3 Excelsior Marlow 6 Hungaria 0 Red Star Mossley 2 Liverpool St Helens 4 Manchester Central 2 Locomotive Crewe Alexandra 4 Hartlepool Petrochemical 2 Northwich Victoria 1 Gainsborough Trinity 0 Stalybridge Celtic 2 Wrexham 1
Second Division
Atletico Espanol 4 Sheffield Wednesday 2 Bohemians 2 Inter-Italiano 3 Bradford Park Avenue 5 Caledonia Thistle 1 Crystal Palace 5 Marxist Polytechnic 1 Excelsior Benelux 2 Merthyr Tydfil 1 Manchester Newton Heath 2 Newcastle Blue Star 0 Newcastle-Gateshead Dynamo 6 Hendon Hotspur 4 South Liverpool Red Star 2 Torpedo Tranmere 2
Excelsior Marlow 4 Northwich Victoria 2 Gainsborough Trinity 6 Locomotive Crewe Alexandra 1 Hungaria 6 Audenshaw Dynamo 3 Manchester Central 2 Blyth Spartans 4 Marine 3 Hartlepool Petrochemical 1 Red Star Mossley 2 Dynamo Burnley 0 Spartak-Slavia 3 Stalybridge Celtic 3 Wrexham 5 Liverpool St Helens 3
Second Division
Caledonia Thistle 3 Inter-Italiano 2 Hendon Hotspur 2 Bohemians 3 Manchester Newton Heath 7 Atletico Espanol 2 Marxist Polytechnic 1 Newcastle-Gateshead Dynamo 1 Merthyr Tydfil 2 Bradford Park Avenue 1 Newcastle Blue Star 4 Crystal Palace 3 Sheffield Wednesday 4 South Liverpool Red Star 1 Torpedo Tranmere 5 Excelsior Benelux 1
Audenshaw Dynamo 3 Stalybridge Celtic 1 Blyth Spartans 4 Wrexham 2 Dynamo Burnley 1 Hungaria 2 Hartlepool Petrochemical 1 Manchester Central 1 Liverpool St Helens 1 Spartak-Slavia 1 Locomotive Crewe Alexandra 5 Excelsior Marlow 0 Marine 4 Gainsborough Trinity 2 Northwich Victoria 1 Red Star Mossley 1
Second Division
Atletico Espanol 3 South Liverpool Red Star 2 Bohemians 3 Marxist Polytechnic 4 Bradford Park Avenue 4 Torpedo Tranmere 0 Caledonia Thistle 3 Hendon Hotspur 1 Crystal Palace 2 Manchester Newton Heath 1 Excelsior Benelux 2 Sheffield Wednesday 8 Inter-Italiano 1 Merthyr Tydfil 0 Newcastle-Gateshead Dynamo 1 Newcastle Blue Star 1
Dynamo Burnley 3 Audenshaw Dynamo 1 Excelsior Marlow 2 Marine 2 Hungaria 2 Northwich Victoria 0 Manchester Central 0 Gainsborough Trinity 1 Red Star Mossley 3 Locomotive Crewe Alexandra 2 Spartak-Slavia 3 Blyth Spartans 2 Stalybridge Celtic 2 Liverpool St Helens 1 Wrexham 2 Hartlepool Petrochemical 1
Second Division
Crystal Palace 2 Atletico Espanol 0 Manchester Newton Heath 5 Newcastle-Gateshead Dynamo 3 Marxist Polytechnic 6 Caledonia Thistle 2 Merthyr Tydfil 4 Hendon Hotspur 5 Newcastle Blue Star 3 Bohemians 5 Sheffield Wednesday 5 Bradford Park Avenue 4 South Liverpool Red Star 2 Excelsior Benelux 0 Torpedo Tranmere 3 Inter-Italiano 0
Audenshaw Dynamo 0 Liverpool St Helens 2 Blyth Spartans 3 Stalybridge Celtic 4 Gainsborough Trinity 2 Wrexham 1 Hartlepool Petrochemical 3 Spartak-Slavia 2 Locomotive Crewe Alexandra 5 Hungaria 3 Manchester Central 5 Excelsior Marlow 3 Marine 6 Red Star Mossley 3 Northwich Victoria 3 Dynamo Burnley 2
Second Division
Atletico Espanol 1 Excelsior Benelux 2 Bohemians 3 Manchester Newton Heath 1 Bradford Park Avenue 2 South Liverpool Red Star 1 Caledonia Thistle 4 Newcastle Blue Star 3 Hendon Hotspur 4 Torpedo Tranmere 0 Inter-Italiano 1 Sheffield Wednesday 1 Merthyr Tydfil 2 Marxist Polytechnic 3 Newcastle-Gateshead Dynamo 5 Crystal Palace 2